she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
