I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
