I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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