Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
