My room smells like vodka and shame
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
