Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
