I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm having to shit out rocks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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