nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
