my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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