No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
