oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
