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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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