guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
