I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
