i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
