i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
