Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
