Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
