Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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