I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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