i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
