How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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