I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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