I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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