You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
