worst night to have a conscience
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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