I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
