About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
