I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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