Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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