Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
