I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
