I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
