She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
