This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
