Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
