i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
