Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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