weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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