We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Found your dick twin last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
