i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
