maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
