She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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