So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
