Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
