dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
