just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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