He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
