a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
