Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize